About Me
I grew up in Arizona. I had a very mystical life, complimented by a trailer trash environment. I am Wiccan and I have read Tarot Cards for 35 years. I played guitar and wrote songs in a Country Western band of some configuration or another for 25 years. I graduated the University of Arizona and became an elementary school teacher for 10 years. I taught 5 yrs. on the Gila River Indian Reservation. Then I opened an Herb Shop/ Metaphysical Supplies/ Mexican Yerberia (which is herbs and Mexican magic). Then I ran a thrift store until at 40 I got arthritis so bad in my hips, I had to have hip replacements in both of my hips. They're ok now. I have a 20 yr. old daughter and a 2 yr. old granddaughter (check out my pics). I enjoy them very much. I'm retired now so I spend a lot of time with my family, reading, watching TV, and on the internet. I also like to play with my granddaughter and go to the park and feed the ducks. I like to go to the zoo and to museums and gardens. I like to take walks and look at the stars and moon. I like rain and I love snow. I love being around trees. I like to travel, near or far, although I don't get many chances to travel anymore. I like going to bookstores and shopping for used books. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I'm easy to please. I like everything but sports, but I’m a tolerant person and appreciate people for the person that they really are and not for their looks or possessions. My dream is to one day go back to school and study the history of western civilization and it's relationship with religion. If I ever get rich, I want to live somewhere in a big log cabin with plenty of snow-capped mountains, pine trees, and snow, and buy a new computer. I'd like to visit Italy and the United Kingdom.
Music
Enigma, New Age, 70's Classic Rock, Hank Williams Sr.
Movies
I like Joe Bob Briggs and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. They always hosted some way-out movies. I haven't seen them on TV for a while now though. My favorite movies are psychological/supernatural horror flicks, especially with twist endings. I like: Legend, Wuthering Heights, 2001:A Space Odyssey, Lolita, (I like Kubrick), Apocalypse Now, Forrest Gump, Ryan's Daughter, Harold and Maude, Carnival of Souls (1962), Sunset Boulevard, National Lampoons's Vacation, The Last Picture Show, Young Frankenstein, Rosemary's Baby, Braveheart, Nosferatu(1922), and Shadow of the Vampire, which is about the making of Nosferatu. I like Ed Wood movies, and the movie Ed Wood, with Johnny Depp. I usually like anything Johnny Depp is in. He's such a good actor, he's just great in anything he's in. And he's not all full of himself like most actors are. He's humble and unpretentious. I always liked Oliver Reed and his movies too. It's too bad he died while filming Gladiator on Malta. He was 65 when he died and he left a 16 yr. old bride and a little baby in a castle in Ireland when he went. And he went while he was drinking and causing shenanigans in a tavern during a break from filming. I heard he was a real womanizer. He had that animal magnetism. Grrr!
TV
I mostly watch the History channel, the Discovery channel,the Discovery Health channel, CNN, PBS, and Public Access TV. I like to watch Lost, the X-Files, old episodes of the Twilight Zone, Mysteries of the Bible, and programs about conspiricies like JFK or the the New World Order, the tri-lateral commission, the underground government, secret societies throughout history, the Knights Templar, freemasons, and things like that. I like reality medical shows on the Discovery health channel like Mystery Diagnosis, and Medical Incredible. I definitely watch the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson every single night. He always has me rolling on the floor laughing 'til I cry. On every other Friday night, there's this show on Public Access called Wake Up Call, with Al Wilson. I call him "Bad Wig Man" because he has the worst rug I have ever seen. He spends an hour every other week just raving paranoically about how the government and the CIA and all those authority figures are out to kill him. He is such a hoot. I love his show. Then there is Raquel, also on Friday night, a free-spirited post-operative trans-sexual who's show is called, "666 is money." She has some biblical documentation as to why 666 is money and she sometimes shows it and glosses over the explanation, but usually she just tells people to look it up on her website and she goes back to showing her pictures of her vacation to Nevada to go to the Burning Man Festival. She's always playing Madonna in the background to which she dances around in her chair and usually gets very warm and has to take her blouse off so that she can sit there in her bra and show off her boob job. And while she's showing pictures or magazine articles or just pictures of pretty girls, she'll chatter away about how she is going clubbing after the show so that her listeners can join up with her and get drunk and dance in their bras. She is so hilarious. How could you not love public access TV?
Books
Richard Leigh,Stephen King, fiction, historical fiction, spirituality, philosophy, psychological profiles, biographies, the dictionary, the thesaurus, books on the supernatural/paranormal, books that discuss the Bible, and religion and religious history/history of Christianity and Western Europe; poetry and Gothic literature like the Brontes, Emily Dickenson, Poe, and sometimes just a trashy novel, like Joyce Carol Oates or James Michener.
Likes
Reading, writing poetry (check out my blog), art(my favorite artists are Bouguereau and Maxfield Parish), religion, comparative religion, esoterica, history, especially European history and the history of the beginnings of civilization, anthropology, primitive and ancient cultures, conspiracy theories, secret societies, people, human nature, psychology, philosophy, words, medicine (traditional and alternative), herbs, crystals, metaphysics, watching TV, my family, food, especially pizza, and my computer.I appreciate beautiful architecture, in fact, I appreciate beauty in all forms, especially in nature and science. I am interested in the health and well-being of the Earth her inhabitants. Lemonade, ice tea, snow, pine trees, rain, the full moon, circle rituals (espeially with a group) flowers, winter, staying in motels, the smell of desert rain, books, shopping for books, going to a restaurant to eat, liver and onions, prime rib, chocolate cake, my family and friends, daydreaming, sleeping, nightdreaming, "Nights in White Satin," by the Moody Blues,"... "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak, good sex, Disneyland, the mountains, the beach, kissing someone I love, passionate embraces, backrubs, the smell of bacon cooking, the smell of orange blossoms, fireplaces and candles inside, bonfires outside, roasting marshmallows, babies and children,laughter, mine or my grandaughter's, getting drunk (but I don't do that anymore!), looking at old photos, learning new things,
Dislikes
Doing the dishes, taking out trash and cat litter, housework, pain, being sick, not seeing my granddaughter, being poor, being disabled, going to the dentist or doctor, friendly rejection, dishonesty, intolerance, injustice, bullies, hot Arizona summers, taking insulin, having diabetes, working out, sweating, my daughter making my grandbaby cry, wearing shoes, getting up in the morning, being thirsty all the time, getting old, being lonely, dislocating my shoulder.
Hobbies
reading, writing poetry, hanging out on the computer with my friends, watching TV, learning new things.
Vices
chocolate, pizza, Chinese food, Mexican food, Italian food, (I guess food in general!) sarcasm, older men with beer-bellies and salt-and-pepper colored hair. mmmm
Virtues
good friend, good mother and grandmother, wise, almost a crone, knowledgeable, caring, creative, talented, good sense of humor, like to make people laugh and feel good, can laugh at myself, encouraging and supportive, sensitive, intuitive, in touch with my psychic capabilities, always ready to help, tenacious, like to help others, learn something from every experience in my life, intelligent, common sense, tactful, natural born teacher, a perfectly flawed human, goddess centered woman, apparently,I am a "survivor." (I suffer from anxiety/panic disorders and bipolar, diabetes, glaucoma, fybromialgia, and arthritis)Geez, I do go on, don't I?
Heroes
Joseph Campbell, Vincent van Gogh, Craig Ferguson, Richard Leigh, Hank Williams Sr., and
medieval craftsmen...
Do you realize that they put up all those magnificant cathedrals throughout Europe in the middle ages with blocks of stone, a hammer and a chisel, and no cement? The next time you see one of those cathedrals, think about it. No cement.
I want to be Sacha. I don't want to be me anymore. Sacha has fiery, emerald eyes and long, flaxen hair. She is tall and willowy. She has long, slender fingers and soft, delicate hands.
She has two lovely children and probably some grandchildren by now. She lives in London in a big, beautiful house and drives a small but expensive car. She has a long and successful career in a well-paid and prestigious position.
I want to be Sacha. I don't want to be me anymore. I have nothing. She has everything that I ever wanted, including the man with the big, soft hands wielding the pen that writes the words that make me cry out, "I love you!" to a dark and empty room.
He's lived too much a soulful life, and he has the scars to show. His brain is fat with memories that need somewhere to go.
Words clutter his noesis ‘til his thinking is impaired. Compulsions rule his psyche; ideas have him ensnared.
So he pummels at his keyboard, inhales his cigarette, and pours out his expression along with blood and sweat.
His fingers are unstoppable in this race against his age. Words spew from him like molten rocks; wisdom flows as from a sage
Food is wasted on him. Time ceases to exist. He has to get this chapter done, and so he will persist.
His wife tries to show affection, but he doesn't respond much. He prefers his cigarettes and scotch to any woman's touch.
The keyboard yields to his fingers. He must evince the tempest in his head. He'll write incessantly throughout the night, ‘til one morn they'll find him dead.
Everyday, it becomes more obvious to me that you are not of this world. You are Olympian in nature, literature is your élan vital, intellectualism is your religion, and superciliousness is your soul. How stupendously foolish of me to think that I could ever earn your regard. You do well without devotees like me. I know that I am nothing but a gnat buzzing about your venerable ear, pestering and annoying you with declarations of my love, Bzzz, declarations met by your indifference. I am so beshadowed by your intellect, you actually make me feel stupid without even a word to me. Not worth your time. Not worth a bother. It's times like these that my self-worth feels like a negative integer. I'm not sexy, thin, or beautiful, tall, svelte, or willowy, and I could never be enough to turn your head. I have nothing with which I could impress you. I am so irrefutably flawed. More importantly, I'm not Her. I actually sympathize with your disdain of my intrusion into your world. I know that privacy enables you to flourish, but please try to toss me some compassion; a word, no doubt, you know but seldom use. I'm not a haint; I'm not here to steal your soul; I'm just a dreamer...a believer in magick, an overage child putting too much faith in fairy tales. But in the middle of the nights when I go crazy, I can feel you stop, listen, and cringe, when I cry out your name. You will never grace me with response. You will just pray I fade away. Would I finally please you, master, if I just die?
He probably thinks that I'm asleep, but I'm listening to him snore. I appreciate the sound, because I couldn't love him more.
I love to watch his sleeping eyes when the sign of dreaming shows. I love to see his brow unfurled. He's more a child than he knows
And as the sun shines through the window, fairies dance upon his hair, a little whiter than it used to be. But then, just ask me if I care.
I watch the trickle from his lips. He would scold me if he knew that I spied upon his sleep again, and there was nothing he could do.
I see him stirring almost waking, but he's caught a few more winks. He makes me smile as he covers up. It's funny I know how he thinks.
He finally rises and he starts his day. I hurry up and leave with care. To my chagrin, it's all a dream. I'm not even really there.
I swim the astral oceans where his presence seems so real. The only time I have with him are in the fantasies I steal.
Perhaps one day we'll meet in this reality. I'll hang on as long as I have breath. And if it's not in the cards to meet in life, I'll be content to meet in death.
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